He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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