Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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