just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
