A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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