Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
