Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize