I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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