I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
