Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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