So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
are you so shy because you have an std?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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