I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
