On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
