Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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