just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
