Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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