new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
