Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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