I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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