his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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