Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
