Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
