She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
