you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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