Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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