I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
