Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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