1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
