How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
