Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
