a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
