dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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