what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
