he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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