Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
