Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
