apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
