is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
