There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
