You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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