i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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