The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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