I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
