I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
bring money and cleavage
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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