He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize