There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
