I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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