my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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