I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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