The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
