Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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