btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
