Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
