So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
