Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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