Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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