Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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