That's intense
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
