when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
