I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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