He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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