I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
