I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize