well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
