I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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