She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just had sex bonerless
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
