Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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