Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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