i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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