2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
