i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
