I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
