I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
