Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
