I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
