i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
