I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
