Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
