literally had 100 drinks last night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
