hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
