sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
