do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
