yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
