I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize