you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
