It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
