My balls are so social today.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
