DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
