put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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